Sunday, March 10, 2002

I think by the end of the month I will have done something for every weekend. This, to me is something, as I usually find myself doing nothing at all during my weekends, sitting all sad and depressed in front of the tv. Shall I tell you what I did? oh, okay then.

last saturday (2nd march) I went to the school ball. This could have all gone a bit pear shaped, because i didn't really want to go. That is I did when the tickets first went on sale, but then i later found out that hardly anybody i knew would be going. me and my friend Himali were saying, yes we'll go this year, because it's our final year, plus Himali had never been before. I'd left her to deal with the tickets, and she sort of left it to the last minute. I actually said to her the week before the ball, have you bought the tickets yet? because if you haven't let's cancel... But unfortunately they had gone through by then. So we went. Himali brought her boyfriend along, so I felt a bit of a third wheel. On the day I wore myself out looking for a top just before the ball. I bought this black puffy top for £26, I bought these flowery hairbands and a big red flowery brooch ( I like what Carrie from Sex and the City wears) for £15 from Claire's Accessories, and I bought these boots from Dotty P's for £35. I think I looked more goth than cool. the food was ok, everybody looked sleek and elegant (except me). Himali's bf looked old, although she claims he's just 33 (or something) and didn't say that much to me. I had to ignore their canoodling, and I thought the evening was going to be a bust. And there really didn't seem to be hardly anybody there that I knew. For the entertainment the class president came out and gave out silly awards eg most likely to become a rockstar, and there was clapping and cheering and laughter, but I didn't know any of the people the awards were going out to. Well, except one, a lecturer who used to terrorise us all when I was still an innocent little undergraduate. He'd won and award for favourite lecturer, and he came out, with his cummerband, his wife was in the audience, and he gave a speech. And he was actually really good, funny. I laughed. They made him wear a baseball cap, because apparently he doesn't like students to wear hats in his lectures.
And then the music started, and neither me nor Himali felt like dancing at first. Its different when you don't know anybody, like when you're in a club. But when its all undergrad sproglets that you see on an almost day to day basis, its a little off putting, if you're not drunk enough. So i kept telling myself, I'll dance later, I'll dance later. I had three conversational exchanges with three guys though, and that kind of distracted me. i think they must have thought I looked really sad and alone (Himali had wondered off somewhere with bf). One of them was a guy siiting on the table. Nice guy, chatted a bit about usually friendly stuff. The second guy was someone that I've known since my undergrad years and has been at the school for ages, still trying to finish off his PhD. I don't like him that much, he used to go out with an ex-friend of mine, who herself used to go out with my ex-boyfriend (its all very incestuous). But he must have been drunk, he didn't sound drunk, but he was rambling on and on about life, and that there's more to life than pharmacy, and what are you going to do after you finish. I think he was having some kind of mid life type crisis. He really should have written up his PhD atleast a year ago, but maybe he's trying to put off the actual completion of it because he's afraid of being sucked out into the wilderness of the outside world. I can appreciate that. i was in that wilderness for two years, and ended up going out with my nightmare of an ex for two years. The third guy is a young lecturer who i've spoken about before, we bumped into each other at Bar Salsa about a month ago, and he invited me to a party I didn't go to. he rambled as well, man, could he talk. Himali joined us at that point, and then he started talking to her instead. which made me think that he only came over to sit with me in the first place was because he had no one else to talk to. And then he starts gossiping about colleagues, and Himali is appalled yet fascinated. The music stopped then, at 1am, because it was in a hotel and they weren't allowed to play any later. we carry on chatting till about 2am, and then we head home. So I didn't dance at all that evening, but I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself, in a weird way. All thanks to those three guys.

And this Saturday, well its my sister Lydia's b-day. and she decides to have a salsa night. She wanted to go to Salsa Fusion, but we find out that salsa fusion is no more, which is a little sad for me, because i used to take classes with them. So we went to the 'Empire Palladium', which is this tiny little room which probably hasn't been redecorated since the 1960's, if the psychadelic carpet is anything to go by, next to the infamous 'The Empire' (cheesy club, don't go there). this time i'll say that this evening was a bit of a bust. My sister's friends don't really dance salsa, and she hadn't brought any guys that knew how to, so we were just awkwardly standing around. because although you can, you don't really want to dance to salsa music unless you're dancing salsa. I chatted to various people. I met a guy who used to study at the same school of pharmacy as me. i found out from another guy who does Karate that my other sister Sarah had won these gold medals at a karate competition.
Strangely enough she didn't mention this to me herself. And as if that wasn't enough, sarah then tells me that she's now modelling. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe that we're actually related. I can go into the whole sibling rivalry thing, but suffice it to say, my sisters are definitely much prettier than me, but i always comforted myself with the thought that I did what I did better than them. Like, like writing, art, singing, being moody and dark. But now its like she's won. And I should definitely move to another country before she does my head in. Did I mention that she won a salsa competition, the prize was which to go to Mexico and enter another competition, and even there she won third prize?
enough of that. All my sisters and her friends left at about 12am, to catch the last trains. I stayed till 1am, by my sad self, goofily asking guys to dance. At one point I was standing right there at the edge of the dance floor and these guys were asking all these girls if they wanted to dance. They'd ask all they girls sitting down to the left of me, (they'd all say no), then they would walk right past me, and refused to make eye contact with me. In the end I had to ask one of them to dance. May be it was my glasses that made me invisible. who knew. I walked home, and listened to Linkin Park and Dido before I went to bed because I was so depressed.

Well I say I was really depressed. I'm ok really. y'know why? because I know I'm really something.

There was something else i wanted to tell you. I dreamed about Patrick Owen again, this was at the beginning of the week now, and I meant to tell you then, but I was busy. yeah. What do you think it means?

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